Things Lois Would Never Say!

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"Hmmmm, that Veronica Mars chick is looking delicious at the moment. Need to fulfill a certain urge."

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"Lana, I love the pink thong. Can I have it?"

[sv fan+loves tom!]

clark i love u so much and our dog shelby

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"Shelby did what with Clark last night?"

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"I wish Baywatch was still airing. I could get a lead role there."

[President_Luthor]

"Boy, that meteor shower sure flattened Smallville! That sucks. I KNEW Gotham City was the better pick. I should have listened to Vicki Vale ....."

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"Dancing is my new hobby especially in a red, white and blue bikni."

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"I hear that there is this Billie Piper chick, who plays Rose Tyler on Doctor Who, who seems to be interested in little oh me!"

[supergirl_1095]

Shlebey and i have amazing news!

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"Being a stripper is so great!"

"I'm so in love with Aquaman!"

[montevallo]

Lois was riding her bike looking for Genevieve who had stolen Shelby. She eventually catches up to her and takes Shelby. All of a sudden with out any warning, there is a tornado, Lois frantically rides back to the storm cellar but Clark says she cant come in so she runs to the house which gets lifted up by the tornado, Lois gets knocked out.

When she wakes up she’s in a magical colorful world of whimsy and excitement. She sees a pair of legs sticking out from under the house with red shoes. Lois steals the shoes.

Suddenly a little bubble floats by, it gets bigger and bigger and Lois sees there is a women inside who looks like Martha Kent


Women: hello I’m the kind which of the north

Lois: hi can you tell me how to get out of this place its tacky

Kind which of the north: I’m afraid I can’t but the wizard of Luthor corp. might be able to tell you

Lois: how do I get to him?

Kind which of the north: just follow the yellow brick road

Lois is skipping down the road when she sees a scarecrow (that looks like Clark) trying to scare away some crows


Lois: hey why don’t you come with me to the wizard maybe he can help you find a brain

Scarecrow: that’s not very nice.

He goes along with Lois until they come across a steel woodman (who looks like Lex) that appears to be frozen in place

Steel woodman: help me

Lois: why should I?

Steel woodman: well I drank some poisoned wine and this happened

Lois: what ever can we do to help you?

Steel woodman: give me some wine

Lois pulls a bottle of wine out of her pocket and pours it into the woodman’s mouth

Steel woodman: ha I wasn’t actually frozen I just wanted some wine

Lois: how could you play such a horrid trick on us?

Steel woodman: I don’t have a heart

Scarecrow: *gasp* then come with us to see the wizard

Lois: no I don’t like him

Steel woodman: please

Lois: oh alright

A lion walks out of the trees that looks like Jonathan

Lion: I'm the third guy, the one who needs courage, lets go.
We see the Lois, the scarecrow, the steel woodman, and the lion skipping along the road from a crystal ball wicked witch of the west (Genevieve): mwahahahahahahaha bring them to me my pretties.

She opens a cage of winged monkeys that all look like Pete. They fly off and capture Lois, the scarecrow and the steel woodman

Lion: what am I not good enough?


Later at the wicked witch’s castle

Lois: why did you bring us here?

Lion: and why did I have to take a cab?

Wicked witch of the west: you see I'm so terribly lonely

Wicked witch of the west walks toward Lois; Lois kicks her in the face, knocking her off her feet.

Wicked witch of the west: how dare you

She grabs a knife and lunges at Lois; Lois kicks her in the chest knocking her back down

Lois: *****

Steel woodman: well this calls for a celebration

He takes out a bottle of champagne and opens it. A bunch of the Champaign gets on the wicked witch of the west

Wicked witch of the west: noooooooo I’m melting ahhhhhhhhhhh didn’t you know Champaign would be the end of meeeeeee!

The wicked witch of the west dies

Lois: well let’s go

they finally reach the giant emerald colored Luthor corp. building. They knock on the front door. A man who looks like Jason opens a slot on the door.

Man: who is it?

Lois: I’m Lois and we’re here to see the wizard

Man: no one sees the wizard

Lois: *sigh* she pokes the man in the eyes

Man: Ow!, fine come in
Lois the woodman the scarecrow and the lion enter a large room. There is a large head that looks like Lionel’s above a curtain.

Wizard: welcome

Shelby runs up you the curtain and pulls it down reveling the mans body with a huge head

Wizard: hello everyone

Lois: hello wizard I need help getting home

Lion: and I need courage

Wizard: *to the lion* why my friend, why would you need courage when you have a gun

The wizard hands the lion a gun, then turns to the scarecrow

Wizard: and you must need a brain

Scarecrow: *in a hurt voice* I wish people would stop saying that

Wizard: to Lois just tap your shoes together and say, threes no place like home

Lois does and she wakes up in her bed surrounded by Lex, Lionel, Clark, Jonathan, Martha, Chloe, Pete, and Jason.

Lois: oh I had the most wonderful dream *to Lex* and you were there, *to Lionel* and you were there *to Jonathan* and you were there *to Martha* and you were there *to Pete* and you were there but you didn’t have any lines

Pete: damn

Lois: yes it was a wonderful dream, *to Clark* except you were there! And you were a moron

Chloe: was I there

Lois: no

Jonathan: well now your back here to your life of mediocrity and despair.

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"Lois Lane, Stripper!"

"I wanna join Lana in being whipped!"

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"Lex, I want to marry you and have your babies. If don't want me, I'll turn to women from here on out."

[LexLuthorMetropolis]

"I want Barbie the Barbarian!"

[chloe's pal]

"Wow Clark you look hot - wanna go for it?!?"