Never Say Goodbye

[elliottxoxo]

I had to learn a long time ago how to let go of Clark, but not like this. I can't do it like this.

Thats my favorite line.



I wonder what Jor-El will say now to Chloe. Now that Clark has finished his duty to protect Earth from Zod for the last time... Will he revive him? Will he give Chloe her healing powers back? My heart sank a little when youdescribed her trying to heal Clark with her will...so sad. What ever happened to those powers anyway....



eagerly anticipating part 3

[Zannah25]

Now this is the Smallville that I miss.

[The Fallen Sky]

This is a fantastic story! I simply adore your writing. It's intelligent, thoughtful, and deeply emotional. You always manage to keep the characters in character, which is, it seems, a lost art form. So, I bid you thanks, and hope that the next update arrives soon.

[dh1031]

Wow...I too was scribbling down some ideas as to how to write my own follow-up to the S9 finale and then I ran across this. Very cool!!

[jacques]

Fantastic update.
Chloe go save your guy!
Seriously, I kinda wanted to punch Lois in the face. She sees Chloe doing everything she can to save Clark and she's stalling to get answers. She might be in shock but she was still more worried about Clark not telling her who he really was then him possibly getting saved. Hell she has already given up on him.
Hope Jor-El comes through.
Can't wait for more.

[Shaque]

Wow...I don't know what to say but wow. All o the emotions in those two parts had me tearing up. You went to the heart of all that is Chlark. Always sacrificing for each other in the ways that count.

I loved the Lois addition and that whole conversation. I understand where Lois is coming from and I don't hate her or feeling how she feels but my gosh I wanted to smack her for being selfish and not even attempting to help Chloe at least all the way to the Arctic but it did show the big difference in who really loved Clark. I hope when and if he gets undead he realizes who the real woman for him who always accepts all of him is.

[iluvaqt]

I can feel the intensity and the desperation practically leaping off the page. The interactions between Chloe and Lois bring me back to Persuasion. When it's about Clark, everything's raw and Chloe doesn't have time to coodle or for niceties. I would like to think, considering how she stood by him before that Lois could step up but it considering they tried a normal relationship and he kept everything from her, and let her life fall apart still keeping her in the dark, left her vulnerable to Zod's manipulations, makes me think that neither of them are ready to commit to each other. Lois can't trust either of them. And while she loves them both in different ways, I think trying to reconcil those pieces is going to take a long time.

I love Chloe's admission that even though she fears for Ollie. Like always, she'll drop everything for Clark. Especially since this time, she can do something to save him. If he was leaving, as you wrote, it's something she can grudgingly respect, knowing he's alive and doing his best to serve his destiny, and that he feels he has family and purpose. She's always been supporting him, even when planning contingency's it was always about protecting Clark and the world. Looking forward to more.

[ilovethursdays]

I can feel the intensity and the desperation practically leaping off the page.

I agree!
This story is great! PPMS.

[RemDiamond]

Everyone has already expressed everything I felt when I read the most recent chapter. Great work!

[BkWurm1]

hughie87

Please tell me that Lois falls on her ass out of the truck when Chloe hits the gas??

Hee! That would have been funny.

I was crying through the whole thing. This is why I love the two of them and why Clark will never find anyone who will love him the way Chloe does. Just beautiful and raw emotion displayed in this.

It's only fair that you shed a tear or two. I was bawling the whole time I was writing it. (Really the whole story) Had to keep stopping so I could blow my nose.

snookie16

I love the new story and I love how you keeping with the continuity. How Lois can't be with a hero because of not being first in the mans life. Also I love how you keep Chloe in character and that she won't give up on Clark. Can't wait for more.

I really appreciate the comment. I tried hard to get into Chloe's head. Giving up on Clark isn't something she knows how to do.


pisco

chloe is relentless, she just won't stop at nothing to save clark. glad to see the real chloe, at least she's still alive through fanfic's.

Relentless, that's a good word. Real Chloe will never be forgotten, no matter what TPTB might want to think.

elliottxoxo

Quote:
I had to learn a long time ago how to let go of Clark, but not like this. I can't do it like this.

Thats my favorite line.

I wonder what Jor-El will say now to Chloe. Now that Clark has finished his duty to protect Earth from Zod for the last time... Will he revive him? Will he give Chloe her healing powers back? My heart sank a little when youdescribed her trying to heal Clark with her will...so sad. What ever happened to those powers anyway....

I don't think Chloe really capable of letting go of Clark completely. How can she? It would be like gving up on who she is.

I'm glad you caught the reference to Chloe trying to use her long gone healing power out of desperation. I have no real clue as to what happened to her powers, but in my head, the more overt version of them are long gone (Even if I like to think they exist in a way that ends up extending Chloe's own life force. That's not a part of the story, just my own personal cannon. )

Zannah25

Now this is the Smallville that I miss.

Glad to have you reading!

The Fallen Sky

This is a fantastic story! I simply adore your writing. It's intelligent, thoughtful, and deeply emotional. You always manage to keep the characters in character, which is, it seems, a lost art form. So, I bid you thanks, and hope that the next update arrives soon.

Aww, thank yo so much for your very kind and inspiring words. I really appreciate them.

dh1031

Wow...I too was scribbling down some ideas as to how to write my own follow-up to the S9 finale and then I ran across this. Very cool!!

Would love to read whatever you come up with too. Thanks for reading and commenting.

jacques

Seriously, I kinda wanted to punch Lois in the face. She sees Chloe doing everything she can to save Clark and she's stalling to get answers. She might be in shock but she was still more worried about Clark not telling her who he really was then him possibly getting saved. Hell she has already given up on him.
Hope Jor-El comes through.
Can't wait for more

I kind of feel bad for Lois. She probably thought she was coping pretty well with figuring out The Blur's secret identity, but to have tossed on top of that the need to commit everything to saving him when she suddenly would realize she hardly understood him at all must have been very hard. Still, a quick jab in the nose might have been pretty effective too.


Shaque

You went to the heart of all that is Chlark. Always sacrificing for each other in the ways that count.

Big grin. Thank you.

I loved the Lois addition and that whole conversation. I understand where Lois is coming from and I don't hate her or feeling how she feels but my gosh I wanted to smack her for being selfish and not even attempting to help Chloe at least all the way to the Arctic but it did show the big difference in who really loved Clark.

Yes, I do feel there would be a marked difference between Lois and Chloe when it comes to the depths of their feelings for Clark. Just like Lana and Chloe, both were willing to go to great lengths for him (I do believe Lois would be willing to help to an extent) but there are lines Lana and I do believe Lois would not be willing to cross. Chloe on the other hand will risk everything. And I do mean everything.

iluvaqt

I can feel the intensity and the desperation practically leaping off the page.

Wow, thank you so much. You make me feel validated.

I would like to think, considering how she stood by him before that Lois could step up but it considering they tried a normal relationship and he kept everything from her, and let her life fall apart still keeping her in the dark, left her vulnerable to Zod's manipulations, makes me think that neither of them are ready to commit to each other. Lois can't trust either of them. And while she loves them both in different ways, I think trying to reconcil those pieces is going to take a long time.

I think it is fair to believe that given the chance that Lois would be willing to support Clark as the Blur and she even might have tried dating him despite her need to come first. I think in reality, she would figure out it couldn't work in the long run and in this case, the pressure of everything being thrown at her so fast pushed her to come to the same realizations much quicker. Like Oliver, I believe Lois will be willing to be a secret keeper and a friend, but I do believe Lois knows what she really needs and that Clark can't be it.

ilovethursdays Quote:

Originally Posted by iluvaqt
I can feel the intensity and the desperation practically leaping off the page.

I agree!
This story is great! PPMS.

Thank you very much. Yes, more is coming very shortly. I originally said 3 parts but we are looking at four at this point.

RemDiamond

Everyone has already expressed everything I felt when I read the most recent chapter. Great work!

Thank for leaving feed back anyway. I really do value hearing from everyone.

Next chapter up in just a few!

[BkWurm1]

Never Say Goodbye, Part 3

To hughie87, snookie16, pisco, elliottxoxo, Zannah25, dh1031, Jacques, Shaque, iluvaqt, ilovethursdays, RemDiamond, thanks so much for reading and taking the time to review. Your words all mean a lot to me. Thanks to everyone who gave this a read. Here is the next part. There will be at least one more section to this before it is complete.

Title: Never Say Goodbye
Pairing: Chlark!!
Rating: PG-13 (for thematic elements)
Spoilers through Salvation (End of Season 9)
Summary: A Chlarky ending to Smallville. Story begins at Watchtower minutes before Clark falls from the tower. Clark Kent is dead. Chloe will stop at nothing to change that.


Part 3

Blinding white light.

The bite of the pure arctic air.

They had arrived at the Fortress.

She blinked, her eyes adjusting from the gloomy caves to the fortress’s reflective white surfaces. Beyond the crystalline structure, a faint radiance peeked up over the tundra. The sun rose early in the arctic this time of the year. Chloe grabbed a corner of the red blanket and one of Clark’s arms and pulled him toward the center of the fortress.

A pile of rubble sat where the crystal consol once sparkled. Next to the heap where Clark found Tess, Chloe saw smears of fresh blood, preserved in the frozen slush. Looking around, Chloe noted about a fourth of the ice pillars were dark, just as she remembered from her last momentous visit.

She could still picture Clark’s shocked expression as she led a meek Davis away. She came through the portal to find them grappling in front of the open gate to the Phantom Zone, neither one backing down. Clark’s recklessness fueled her temper. She’d let him have it. It was the last time he looked at her without a shadow in his eyes. If she had the chance, would she do it over again?

She sighed. Such questions were impossible. Without knowing there would be nothing left of Davis to save, how could she have let Clark callously and carelessly toss him in the Phantom Zone? Clark would have never forgiven himself and she still had nightmares of Clark sucked away along side Doomsday. Clark’s choice to use the Book of Rao had been the equivalent of her nightmare coming to life. If they’d had any other way of preventing Zod’s Armageddon, she’d have fought him tooth and nail.

She kept dragging Clark’s heavy form until she was at the very center of the room. When she stopped, she was breathing heavily, from nerves or exertion, she didn’t know. She tilted her head back and turned in a circle.

“Jor-El! Jor-El! Clark needs your help!” The fortress was silent. She heard the wind shudder past outside. She tried again.

“I know you are here. The portal still works so I know you are still here. Clark didn’t have to use the crystals to speak with you. The broken crystals won’t stop you if you want to help. You listened to me about Kara in the past, so I know you can hear me now.”

“Zod and the Kandorians are gone, but Clark is still here. Zod stabbed him with blue kryptonite. He killed him, but I know you can bring him back, you’ve done it before!” Only her voice echoed back.

“This isn’t Clark’s destiny!” She cried out to the cavernous structure. “You couldn’t have meant for him to die at the hands of Zod!” She faced another direction. “You can save him, please, please save him.” Her voice broke.

No response. She’d been sure all she needed to do was bring Clark to Jor-El and he would act. Was it her fault nothing was happening?

“Kal-El is your son! You’ve spent years training him. Don’t abandon him now!” She wet her lips, the moisture evaporating almost immediately. “If…if I’m the reason why you are silent, please, you cannot punish Clark for my actions.” She looked around, desperate for a sign or a change. Nothing. The only change was the brighter glow of the fast approaching dawn.

She refused to give up. “Jor-El, I love your son. You know that! Everything I’ve done, right or wrong, was meant for his good. Please, I’ll do anything, just don’t let him die!” A cold wind swirled over her feet. Was that a sign? Was Jor-El listening? What was he waiting for? There was only one thing left she could say.

“Take me instead!”

The wind at her feet rose and swirled around faster. She wrapped her arms around her middle, trying to hold onto any heat.

“Restore Clark to life and let my life give back balance to the universe. I told you, I’ll do anything, is that what you need? Jor-El! Answer me!” She demanded as tears tracked down her face. Suddenly, the air in the fortress changed, as if the atmosphere became charged with electricity. The hair on the back of her neck stood up.

“You would offer your life in exchange?” A cultured, yet deeply resonant voice asked.

Fear tripped through her heart, but she answered without hesitation. “Yes, yes, anything, just don’t let Clark die.” A silent moment stretched out before Jor-El’s AI spoke again.

“There is nothing for me to do to save my son.”

Chloe couldn’t breath. All the oxygen in the universe vanished and she buckled to her knees next to Clark’s battered body. She shook her head and gasped for breath. “You can’t mean that. Why bother speaking to me if you aren’t going to do anything?”

“I have misjudged the importance of your presence to my son’s journey.”

“I don’t understand.” Was this some sort of Kryptonian grief consoling?

“There exists a bond which I sought to sever. I believed it a hindrance to Kal-El’s judgment.”

“A bond.” Without thinking, she reached for Clark’s cold hand, comforted by the familiar weight and shape, agonized by the lifeless response. “Are you saying you did something to Clark?”

“He battled Doomsday and returned to the fortress. In his weakened state, I had ways to make him susceptible to suggestion and alteration.”

Chloe felt a flash of ice, a cold premonition deep in her gut. “What did you do?” She asked in horror.

“I believed he was too heavily influenced. He renounced his humanity and soon returned to immerse himself in training.”

Chloe sucked in a sudden, sharp, intake of air, shocked and hurting on Clark’s behalf for Jor-El’s latest betrayal. “He is your son! He trusted you. You had no right,” she accused.

Clark wanted so badly to connect to the only father figure he had left in his life. The man she’d briefly met, who loved sight unseen a son he hadn’t known he had, could never have intended for his AI to act so presumptuously. That man respected what humanity could offer his son, that man had gone on to protect earth by creating the Book of Rao.

The gravity of what Jor-El had done to Clark continued to sink in. “Wait,” she clutched at the material over her heart, clenching it hard in her fist as she suddenly comprehended the greater personal significance to Jor-El’s confession, “you’re saying you are the reason he tried to turn his back on his humanity.” The reason he walked away from me, she silently added, suddenly too stunned to believe.

Jor-El didn’t confirm or deny, but continued his narrative. “The bond resurfaced as a distraction, it was too woven into his being to cut off completely, but I was able to redirect it so as to cause less interference.”

“Redirect?” She echoed without comprehension, not certain she wanted to understand.

“To your female relation.”

“Lois?” Chloe shook her head in denial even as Jor-El’s words began to make sense of the confusion she’d felt for months at Clark’s sudden devotion to Lois, an intense connection that seemed to arrive out of nowhere.

“Yes,” Jor-El continued. “Though as time passed, my interference proved ill advised. His character gravitated toward a dark corner that left him more callous, careless and isolated to the extent that I greatly feared the sway over him which Zod or any of the Kandorians would wield. I did not fully comprehend what I had taken from Kal-El.”

“Gradually though, his mind began reasserting the original connection I’d sought to sever, which even in its weakened state acted to affect his choices. Eventually Kal-El would have shaken off all influence, but with his death, my restraint on his mind has immediately ceased.”

“Is that a bad thing? You said the change left him careless and vulnerable! Why are you telling me this?”

“Kal-El would have wished you the knowledge.”

Could this be Jor-El’s version of an apology? It was cold comfort and not what she’d come for. Chloe shook her head and pushed his confession aside. “I don’t care! None of that matters right now. Only Clark matters. You’re here. He needs your help! You have to save him!” She pleaded. A moment of silence passed.

“There is nothing in my power to do.”

In his tone, Chloe heard something final. She leapt to her feet and called his name. “Jor-El! Jor-El! Come back!” The air in the fortress felt still, lighter somehow. The morning sun shining over the barren snowfields made the walls glow and through the crystalline structure, a few shafts of light peeked through to fall directly on the snow packed floor. Jor-El’s presence was absent from the fortress.

She had failed.

Chloe sunk to the ground, numb to the chill of her world. Jor-El was gone; she could feel it. Nothing he’d told her mattered, not without Clark. Jor-El wasn’t going to save Clark. She closed her eyes and tears splashed down her cheeks. This was it. She really was going to lose Clark for good.

She scooted close to him, brushing back the lock of dark hair curling on his forehead. How could this be real?

She stroked his cheek and ran her hand along his jaw line. She used her sleeve to wipe away the smear of dried blood on his chin. Chloe glanced down his torso, taking in the rest of him. She hated the jagged wounds exposed through his torn t-shirt and hated that he wore black. Black was symbolic of a separation from his humanity – a separation Clark never even chose.

She tugged at the bright red material on which he lay, trying to pull it over his chest. She couldn’t wrap it all the way around; but by pulling it up over his shoulders she got enough material to cover his wounds. He looked like he was wearing a cape. She sniffed a little. He always liked capes. She remembered him playfully swooshing around in his Zorro costume during their freshman year in college. A red cape, his favorite color; yeah, he’d have liked that.

He was so pale, but in the golden light filtering through the fortress she could almost fool herself and pretend she saw color returning to his cheeks, but she knew better.

Suddenly she was cold from the inside out. Every tear felt like a drop of acid, too hot against her freezing skin and they wouldn’t stop coming. She wiped at her face, the salt stinging her cracked lips, but she couldn’t stop crying and soon her sobs grew too large to contain and they tore out of her, heaving through her body with a force that snapped her teeth together. She buried her head on Clark’s chest, clinging to him and weeping. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t say goodbye.

A semi-hysterical thought flittered through her mind. Don't say goodbye. She didn’t have to anymore, not really.

With the crystal consol broken, the portal to the arctic now came with a one-way ticket. She hadn’t thought for a second about how she’d get home if she failed to save Clark. Failure was never considered. No one lived anywhere close to the fortress and she had no way of calling for help. Even if Lois left for Watchtower and convinced someone she was in trouble, the chances of anyone being able to get to her before she froze were slim, let alone anyone actually knowing where she waited.

Never say goodbye.

She let the idea play in her mind. She could close her eyes right now and do nothing but wait for the cold to take her. Freezing to death wasn’t the worst way to go. Eventually you stopped feeling the cold and became very sleepy or got lost in hallucinations. It would be so easy.

No.

Either or both ends might still be in store for her and fate might not require that she say goodbye, but she didn’t want their lives to end like this, with meek acceptance on her part.

In all other aspects of her life, she was bold, stubborn, a fighter. She couldn’t simply drift away in her sorrow. Trapped and virtually alone at the ends of the earth, she was left so few choices to make as she awaited her end; she needed to take control of what remained in her power to accomplish. She needed to say goodbye while she had the chance.

Chloe lifted her head from Clark’s chest and edged even closer. She sat with her legs crossed beneath her and shifted his head so she could cradled it on her lap sideways. Then Chloe leaned over to brush her lips against his because there was no reason left not to do just as she pleased. There was no brave face to put on. No walls to hide her heart behind. Here, in the end, she could at least be completely honest.

“Love wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Crying had left her voice sounding like she was gargling rocks, but this was her last chance to speak aloud all the things she kept quiet, so she ignored the pain in her throat. She stroked his hair and softly tried to explain even if she wasn’t certain what she was trying to explain.

“No one is supposed to fall irrevocably into an unshakable love when they are fourteen, not unless you are Romeo or Juliet and well,” she shrugged, “look how that turned out. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t real, just something I’d grow out of and then I started hoping instead, that one day, you’d grow into it.” She sniffed and played with the edge of the red blanket.

“You kind of know about that, though I did my best to pretend it meant nothing. You see, once before I sent you off to face Zod, that time with a kiss. I poured my heart into that goodbye, but I told myself if you came back to me alive, I wouldn’t ask for anything more. If what was in that kiss wasn’t what you wanted, then I’d let you go.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “I tried and then I tried harder. Then Brainiac happened and I don’t entirely know what happened and somewhere in the mix I thought my love was strong enough to save you and Davis, but,” she pulled her hands back into fists, “in the end I watched you cut me out of your life.”

Old tears mingled with the new and she had to look away for a moment. Chloe squinted against the sunlight coming in from eastern sky. The light was too strong to look into, but she appreciated the warmth on her back even if it did nothing to touch the ice she felt coating her insides.

Looking away from the beginning of the painfully bright morning, a begining that mocked her as she fast approached her ending, her glance fell once more on the man whose shy smile transformed Smallville Kansas from a prison sentence to the one place she couldn’t imaging leaving.

“Oh Clark, I miss you so much.” She caressed his cheek. “I miss your laugh, your toothy grin. I miss hanging out on the phone talking while doing laundry or catching whatever movie is playing at the cheap theater. I miss the way you blushed during love scenes. I miss pretending I was there to play with Shelby while watching the way your muscles moved while you did your chores. I miss the late nights chasing down leads together or whipping what we found into shape for the morning paper. I miss having you show up at work just because. It’s been so long since I’ve had my friend and without you, I didn’t feel like me.”

She clasped his hand and stroked his brow. “When you walked away, I didn’t know anything could hurt like that, so deep and cold. You came back, but not for me and then I blamed you for Jimmy and that wasn’t fair. I wanted to hate you, hated myself because I couldn’t. I tried to think of you as just another force of nature, like water or oxygen, something I and the world needed, but impersonal, but,” she bit her lip to keep it from quivering but she couldn’t control the quaver in her voice, “it’s you and there’s nothing impersonal about how I feel about you.”

She cupped his cheek and ran her thumb over his full pouting lips. He hated when she called them that, probably because he thought it another tease about his moping habits. There was no denying it though; his mouth was beautiful. His red lips were full, lush and usually made her want to take them in tiny bites, but now, she just longed to remember the curve of his smile.

She tried, but had a hard time pulling up a recent memory; instead, she latched on to one of the few she had of her wedding. She and Clark were descending from the loft in the barn, she was clasping Clark’s arm and at the landing, he looked over at her and smiled. She’d felt the warmth of his admiration all the way to her toes. In the past, she tried not to wonder why she couldn’t remember anything before and almost nothing after that perfect moment, but the past didn’t matter anymore.

“I’m running out of time a lot faster than I expected; the delusions are starting. I should be shivering and shaking but instead I’m so cold that you feel warm.” She half- smiled, “You always were my favorite source of radiant heat.” Her smile faded and she dared speak of what she’d just learned.

“Jor-El says you didn’t choose to walk away. That he did something, something to make it happen. He also said the bond we share was getting past his interference. I’m not going to play ‘the what if’ game, there’s too little time but I’m glad to know that maybe you still kept faith in your humanity, but if not, know that no matter what I said, I always did.”

Chloe rested her forehead against his. She needed to be very close to make her final confession, in addition, the position helped block the sunlight from her eyes. They might as well have been sitting in a spotlight. She wondered absently if the ice crystals forming the fortress had a prismatic effect that amplified the light’s intensity but the thought never fully formed. She mentally chided herself for delaying even now what she needed to say. She closed her eyes and let her heart speak.

“I love you Clark,” she whispered against his temple. “Not only as my best friend, not as just a kind of extended family, but with every scrap of my affection, frustration, and passion - every bit of my being. I’ve loved you from the beginning and I know now, some things never end. Maybe you were never really mine, but you were always mine to love.”

She sniffed. “The last time I told you my feelings you were unconscious. Boy, did I do one better this time.” Her voice broke into a sob. “What I wouldn’t give now to hear you say Lana’s name.”

“Chloe.”

[pisco]

AHAAAAAAA!!!! so did the sun reboot his sistem or is it a "delusion"?

chloe/jor-el conversation is exactly what you would expect from them, cold logic from jor-el and total commitment from chloe. her offering to take her in exchange of him is so chloe that it hurts.

loved the clark behaviour explain by jor-el, and eventual reset mind stuff. pretty logical and tottaly belivable.

wonderful work, please do continue!

[Chlarkfan_phantom]

This chapter was awesome! And I totally agree with pisco! The whole.. Chloe/Jor-El moment was spot on!

[elliottxoxo]

What I wouldnt give to hear Lana's name...

Okay, so it was this line that made me lose it. It was heartbreaking seven years ago when Clark uttered her name and it was doubly so when Chloe aches to atleast relive it.

Outstanding emotion.

[snookie16]

Nice update...

Nice update and I love that you had Jor-El try to severe the connection but the connection is still there. Chloe/Jor-El conversation spot on. Keep it up and nice cliffe with the end.